Bantha Burgers

I was a beta tester for SWG, and long story short, I quit when it because quite obvious that it was a game developed by people far more interested in the plans for Ultima Online 2, than anything to do with Han Solo. It was very telling that the devs couldn’t even make a proper Bantha. It’s not hard to draw a bantha, but somehow they felt that a fuzzy elephant with a huge human head in blackface was spot on.

It was a horrible game on release. Not that the mechanics were terribly bad, it would have been a great game in an IP that did not already have a rich history and an expected experience. Namely, it would have been great if the worlds involved were in another universe. But they plodded on with their plans for urban blight swallowing iconic planets. And it released to failure.

They tried to fix it far too late, as the people to they wanted to attract were long gone and just pissed off the crafters who were left.

But what they did do right was implement an almost-X-Wing space combat simulator. It was the one thing they did right.

And now it’s going. And all we’ll have left is a WoW clone with a rail shooter.

According to EA Louse:

And Bioware? Don’t make me laugh. They’ve spent more money making the Old Republic than James Cameron spent on Avatar. Shit you not. More than $ 300 million! Can you believe that?

And you know what they’re most proud of? This is the kicker. They are most proud of the sound. No seriously. Something like a 20Gig installation, and most of it is voiceover work. That’s the best they have. The rest of the game is a joke. EA knows it and so does George Lucas,they’re panicking , and so most of Mythic has already been cannibalized to work in Austin on it because they can’t keep pushing back launch.

Given the arrogance and utter blindness of Daniel Erickson and the rest of the gang… I’m going have to believe what Louse is saying.

Burn, SWTOR, burn.

This is brilliant. Whoever did this wins the internet for the day.

One of the more ridiculous aspects of Bioware’s denigration of space combat is the marketing. At first they were very adamant that it was a TUNNEL shooter, even though it’s commonly called a Shoot-em-up or a Rail Shooter.

Now they’re calling it a “Tube Shooter” which sounds even more fun, right? Who doesn’t like Tubin’ down the river? Or it could also mean that your poor design decision may cause your game to go down the tube.

But best of all is their marketing page describing Space Combat on their website. First, this isn’t the first version of the page they put up. Initially it has a whole subsection devoted to how you could vaguely “explore” the galaxy via the rail shooter. It was taken down within 6 hours of going live. They eventually thought better of it and now you can still be “Exploring the Galaxy” — albeit by guided tour.

If you were ashamed of a feature of a product, you’d resort to a lot of twisted wording to hide the fact that that feature isn’t up to par. That’s what we’ve got here when Bioware tries to describe their combat system without really naming it:

You’ll be put on a direct course towards your objective and you’ll maneuver your ship through obstacles and deal with enemies that cross your path. It’s truly a ‘combat’ experience.

That is some grade-A bullshit right there! And combat is even in quotes. Masterful work, if I say so myself.

Here’s some fun being had at Bioware ineptness for your viewing pleasure.

Star Wars: The Old Republic is just another lowest common denominator WoW clone. All hail the idiocracy.